Posts Tagged: puns

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motherfuckingshakespeare:

akafoxxcub:

the best is when you’re reminded that “nothing” is elizabethan slang for female genitals, so shakespeare literally titled his play

much ado about pussy

Ah, Shakespeare. Such fine and serious art. So serious.

(via detrimentalsideeffect)

Source: akafoxxcub
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mindymcginnis:

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I’ve got a collection of random information in my brain that makes me an awesome Trivial Pursuit partner, but is completely useless when it comes to real world application. Like say, job applications. I thought I’d share some of this random crap with you in the form of another acronym-ific series. I give you - Word Origins from Left Field - that’s right, the WOLF (oh, how clever is she? She made an acronym out of her agency’s name!) Er… ignore the fact that the “from” doesn’t fit.

Here’s a fun one for you today. Ever use the word fundamental? Sure you have. It means means a basic building block, something that you must have.

And it comes from the Latin fundament which means… ass.

Yep. And while we all probably wish our asses were a slightly firmer foundation than they actual are, it still makes for some pretty great wordplay.

For example, “Testing is a fundamental part of the education system.”

Ahem.

(via thedailyetymology)

Source: mindymcginnis
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crrocs:

evilsmurfnope:

crrocs:

Isn’t it weird how humans have to drink a clear liquid substance to survive

Vodka?

Yes

(via canned-spoop)

Source: crrocs
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partifoul:

birchsoda:

nazmat:

hotanimebabe:

straight dudes 100 percent of their lives

I didn’t think people like this actually existed

Here we see the Greater Douchebag in one of their natural habitats. Like many poisonous animals, the bright colors are a warning to stay away.

the no homo sapiens

(via blameitonthesilence)

Source: thepaulfamilydynasty
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peanutbutta:

jesusmcnuggets:

My friend David had his ID stolen the other day
now we just call him Dav 

I’m so mad

(via thefoolthewildcardarcana)

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genuinedeadpool:

sarcastic-fringe-head:

snowmercury:

hauntedpamplemousse:

orcasoup:

those moments when straight people assume you’re one of them and you feel like a gay secret agent

lesbionage

bi spy 

it’s an ace case

Gaygent

Demi-0 seven

(via thefoolthewildcardarcana)

Source: orcasoup
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luficerr:

luficerr:

i started a new sleeping medication and one of the side effects is really freakin weird dreams and last night i had a dream that by day i volunteered at a library and by night i was a crime fighting lesbian who defeated misogynists and robbers and stuff with super literary knowledge

i was appropriately titled “the lesbrarian”

no i dont want to be remembered for this

(via sherlock-and-loki-in-the-tardis)

Source: luficerr
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fozmeadows:

karenhealey:

moniquill:

Oh honey, that’s just how old houses are. They settle. They sometimes creak or groan, or quietly weep, or demand blood sacrifice in voices that sounds like the fluttering wings of a thousand moths. It’s just the house settling. For whatever it can get. Go back to sleep.

I am trying to sleep you fascinating menace

so am I, the house whispers, yet you infest my skin, you sweat and dream within the wooden chambers of my heart, a frail, soft jonah I did not consent to swallow, and to which god then shall you pray for release, when all my doors are gone? you fear the dark, little moth, and yet you have locked yourself within a blackness lacking even stars. I was void, but you gave me substance; and who is to say where your soul goes, when you sleep within me? who is to say I do not replace it, do not weave you into my walls and wear your borrowed shell? when daylight comes, all shadows flee but those we carry with us.

wake, then, and see what you cast. 

(via canned-spoop)

Source: moniquill
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believebeluga:

Wingardium leviorca

(via borgevino)

Source: cetaceandreams